I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
