where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
