do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Four minutes until I can fart!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
