can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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