these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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