I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I deserve this hangover.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
