i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Houston, we have a squirter
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
