non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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