Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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