i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
