I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
