You can't motorboat a personality
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
