; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I could fuck to npr.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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