Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
