While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
