Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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