how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
