did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
