Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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