I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
no you cant smoke seaweed
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
