Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
