I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
