Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
