I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
