I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
