scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
