70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
