i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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