so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
