Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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