Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
