We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
COCAINE IS GR8
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
