you guys were way drunker than both of me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
They took my balls.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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