I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize