I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
FUCK WHALES
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