i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
