i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
