i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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