I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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