Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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