my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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