the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
