Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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