we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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