please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
