He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
