the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
