Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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