The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
