Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
