But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
