i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
