I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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