Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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