You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
