is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
