Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
FUCK WHALES
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
