fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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