as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
