i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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