he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
