last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
