i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
